The Ugly Truth

I know you hope to go to the big you-know-where

And you're here to try to earn your ticket there

Better listen now or you haven't got a prayer

Let me break it down ooh

If you want someone to love ya

Babe you gotta look like me

Like me

Gotta be flawless pure perfection not for shelf

Not a shelf

And my first impression of ya as far as I can see

Can see

Is you simply can't compete with my sweet self

Your sweet self

Is your hair as thick as mine

No

Are your arms as bumped as mine

No

Are the moves you got as drop-dead hot as this

No no they ain't

Is your profile half this fine

No

If not let me hit you with the bottom line

Got to measure up or you won't get eternal bliss

Ooh

So let me be honest

Honest

I got to be honest

Honest

I'm gonna be honest

Ah yeah

Whether you like it or not

You're much too short

Too short

You're way too thin

Too thin

Is that a blemish on your double chin

Oh man

Don't ever walk a runway

No

Or man a kissing booth

Mwah

You're U-G-L-Y

Ugly

And that's the ugly truth

You ugly ah ah you ugly

You ugly ah ah you ugly

Now perhaps I've just upset ya

But people let's get real

Get real

It's the most exclusive club that you want in

Want in

There's a price to pay you bet ya

Hey you gotta look ideal

Ideal

Or you'll end up in the old recycling bin

Recycling bin

Is your smile as white as this

No

Are your glutes as tight as this

No

Then they'll trash it and they'll mash it into glue

Ooh poor poor you

It's a flawless life is this

Just one tiny detail it's a big ol' mess

Oops oh well I'm sorry sayonara too-da-loo

Ooh

But hey I can help ya

Oh yeah

Well possibly help ya

Oh yeah

Well hopefully help ya

Oh yeah

But most of you probably not

Your head's too small

Too small

Your neck's too long

Too long

Your nose starts right but then ends up all wrong

So wrong

Mm that tiny freckle

Ugh

Ooh that crooked tooth

You're U-G-L-Y

Ugly

And that's the ugly truth

U-G-L-Y face like that why even try

U-G-L-Y back that hip like triple fry

U-G-L-Y sorry if that makes you cry

You're ugly so ugly so

Wait

Look at you look at you look at you

I ain't seen nothing like you before

I mean words fail me I mean I'm tongue-tied

I mean I'm speechless baby

What's a thing like you doing in a place like this

I gotta tell ya girl you're pretty

Pretty ugly

And that's the ugly truth

U-G-L-Y heard your looks make you cry

Yeah so sorry 'bout the truth

U-G-L-Y cross my heart and hope to die

Woo 'cause that's the ugly truth

U-G-L-Y love to kiss my lunch goodbye

Yeah you're U-G-L-Y

And that's the ugly truth