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暧昧拉扯哪家强,再造淑女找细康。 虽说伊丽莎在做事方面有些不靠谱,可在食人方面是有点的天赋在身上的。比如零八年,她跟按摩师无意间聊起黄金女郎里面的角色,伊 丽莎觉得里面性格有些天真烂漫的罗斯,一定比说话犀利的陶乐希和热衷于约会的布兰奇活的时间长。果不其然,现实中罗斯的饰演者贝蒂怀特活到了九十九。一开始,伊丽莎觉得自己也就是爱说点大实话而已,并没有放在心上。 直到有天,他在办公室正欣赏着男朋友弗雷迪发来的性感照片,亨利恰好路过,就提醒伊丽莎,弗雷迪这样的行为只会压制伊丽莎离不开手机的毛病。有这功夫,倒不如关注一下最近海平面上升、风群急剧减少等令社会头疼的问题 这话吧,就好比我上高中的时候,班主任跟我说,让我哪怕把看课外书的心思拿出来一点放在学习上,也不至于数学考三十分一样。当时的我就伊丽莎这表情,根本听不进去。甚至伊丽莎觉得亨利是因为没有女朋友的关系才会如此无聊。其料公司不止伊丽莎一人这么认为。 这天伊丽莎来找亨利,正好撞见亨利在批评下属的设计像往病人的肺管子上戳一样。 it's a bed wetting remedy and your primary color is yellow do you really not understand what the issue is the box literally looks like it's been soaked in urine ew, did you pee on my box somebody needs to get laid。 查理的一番话更加证实了伊丽莎的想法,他觉得自己可能真的说出了真相,于是伊丽莎决定帮亨利找个老伴儿, 毕竟自己的改造计划也占用了亨利大部分时间,他应该对亨利的终身大事负点责任。说是迟那时快,伊丽莎立马找到公司情报处,向莫妮卡商量,帮亨利的私生活添置点新鲜感。果然,向莫妮卡这里的消息依旧不令人失望,说楼下咖啡店的女生貌似对亨利有意思, 于是两人就计划给亨利牵线搭桥。而另一边,对此毫不知情的亨利正在整理着自己的桌面,思考着为什么一个打孔机会被放在面前这么重要的位置上。 and things all that often you know what who need to go just pack your paper holes and get out of here。 看着眼前无聊到爆炸的亨利,伊丽莎觉得不能再等了,于是立马递给了亨利一张楼下咖啡店的礼品卡,并告诉亨利记得有空去喝一杯。 don't you wanna go get a drink hmm uh before 5 p m or tomorrow from 7 3 or next tuesday when she covers for romee hmm。 虽然亨利没顾上伊丽莎说什么,不过到了周二,亨利确实想下楼买杯咖啡。 i'm gonna grab a coffee 加莫妮卡得到情报后以为亨利上钩了,火速通知伊丽莎行动。 coca coca is it going down! it's going down! 俩红娘跟着亨利的脚步来到了牵线现场一个不起眼的位置,看着女生和亨利的交流,伊丽莎甚是欣慰。 oh my god, she gave him a cookie! she gave him a cookie he didn't even order! 可面对女生递来的曲奇 直男,亨利貌似并不是很想要,且根本没有注意到女生对他有好感。 look henry, the cookie was my way of saying that you're gonna screw up your inventory where's romeo? 一 向高情商的亨利成功把天聊死了,这样伊丽莎觉得如果他再不出大招,亨利估计就要孤独终老了,而自己说的话又一向很准。伊丽莎不想让自己的预言成真,于是就和夏莫妮卡开启了普兰比,他们要把亨利的个人资料放到各大相亲网站上去, 给亨利来一场盛大的非诚勿扰。不过前期他需要和夏莫妮卡收集亨利的详细资料,包括个人爱好,以及有没有洁身自好。可不论伊丽莎怎么旁敲侧击,始终从亨利嘴里掏不出任何有用信息,甚至伊丽莎想趁机拍张照当资料头像都失败了。 henry, didn't offer up any personal info and the only pick i was able to get looks like this。 两人只好偷摸来到亨利办公室,试图从电脑里找到突破口,可电脑密码始终破解不开。正当伊丽莎感到头疼时,阅人无数的小莫妮卡断定亨利一定是个闷骚型的男人。 try henry 69, i'm sure it's not oh my god we're in。 瞎猫碰上死耗子,还真给解开了。伊丽莎刚想接着搜查,却没成想老板下一步进来了。 i got a great idea ladies what's going on here because it looks to me like you're rifling through henry's personal belongings oh, we are。 伊丽莎不想瞒着老板,直言是因为亨利沉迷于工作,根本不知道享乐,所以他们想帮亨利找个伴,缓解一下他枯燥无聊的生活,可根据老板和亨利多年的交情,认为这只是亨利对工作负责的表现而已,没有他们说的那么严重。 yes, but at the end of the day you go home to your beautiful wife whereas henry goes home to a salad usually you can't make love to a salad? 不 忍心看自己好兄弟沦落至此的老板也被伊丽莎招入了红娘阵营,而他的第一个任务就是检查亨利有没有洁身自好。 oh, sorry sir, uh no henry, please join me! 亨利感到疑惑,老板放着私人卫生间不去,怎么突然跑到公共厕所来了?老板表示自己只是喜欢和群众一起解决问题,顺便近距离考察一下民情。 you ever pick up any rare ailments henry sir, you ever contract the shiba virus come down with a rotten richard no sir no, no me neither no! 经过老板一番雷霆问话,亨利尴尬的愣是把尿给憋了回去。不过好在红娘小分队取得了质的飞跃, he's clean yeah sounded that way! 接下来他们就是让亨利的资料在相亲网站上像病毒一样疯狂传播。一切准备就绪后,就差主角亨利登场了。伊丽莎提前来到亨利办公室,询问亨利周四有没有时间。 listen i was wondering if you were free on thursday free to do what get a drink with me maybe there's something i wanna show you he's free what do you want to show me? um i thought we could just sleep from the office after work and drive together sound good, yes, very great it's gonna be a late night so make sure you rest up! 其实亨利也察觉到伊丽莎最近的行为很诡异,可作为朋友,她只当是自己想多了。可能伊丽莎只是想邀请自己去肯德基疯狂星期四一下,可背后的拉里却看透了这一切。 are you out of your mind she wants you okay don't don't do that don't do that she doesn't want me you may not be good at reading between the lines, but i am rest up oh, you are in for it buddy。 亨利嘴上说着他只是把伊丽莎当做妹妹相处,可拉里的话却让亨利无法忽视。另一边,伊丽莎正和小莫妮卡给亨利物色对象,他们对这次的计划非常有信心, 抱着势必要把亨利嫁出去的决心,打算一人给亨利找二十个合适的人选。可为了不再像上次亨利拒绝娶妻女士那样把这次的行动也搞砸想莫妮卡建议伊丽莎先提前去教教他的人设导师亨利如何在感情方面开窍。 that night, i stopped by henry's to help him get his game on。 而此时的恒理心里被拉里的话搅得一团乱麻,正在家靠书籍平复自己的心情,伊丽莎的出现让她更加措手不及。 what are you doing here? henry, let me in i need to talk to you about what open your door for someone so big on manner you seem to have forgotten yours would you like a beverage yes, please all right you know it's uh customary to call someone before dropping by。 果然不出伊丽莎所料,亨利的话依旧让女孩提不起兴趣,怪不得她会自己一个人在家孤独寂寞的看书。于是伊丽莎打算手把手教亨利如何通过一些不经意间的肢体动作让女孩对亨利感兴趣。 women like it when you find excuses to touch them you never do that well, i don't like touching people for no reason i'm talking about for a very very specific reason what are we doing here i spent tons of time letting you boss, me around and now it's your turn so lesson number one while i'm casually talking to you find some small excuse to touch me we're done great job that was excellent progress。 亨利没收回来的手,伊丽莎的落荒而逃让他们俩之间逐渐升温的关系又再次冷却。亨利或许自己都没有意识到,自己对伊丽莎的感情已经不再是简单的朋友了。 终于到了周四晚上,亨利如约而至,只不过两人的气氛经过那晚后略显尴尬。亨利本想和伊丽莎说明一下,以后有事可以直说,可正巧看到小莫妮卡扛着自己的立牌出现在了酒吧门口, 亨利瞬间有种不好的预感。两人也不打算瞒着亨利了,坦言说是因为亨利撩妹技术不到家,而且又因为找不到女朋友,总在办公室抱怨发牢骚。为了造福同事,也为了亨利的幸福,所以他们决定 酒吧里坐满了女孩。不过一眼就能看出哪些是伊丽莎找的,哪些是小莫妮卡找的男人。本以为亨利会很惊喜眼前的一幕,可没想到惊喜变成了惊吓。亨利根本不喜欢这样的活动,甚至觉得这是在侮辱自己。 this is incredibly insulting i was just trying to help you i don't need help just because i'm not sexually promiscuous doesn't mean that there's something wrong with me and for the record i do all right thank you very much and let the record also show that i am not interested in that cookie and and and off the record, not everybody thinks that casual sex is a cure all some of us happen to be looking for the real thing okay henry 169th that is in reference to the moon landing and you had no right to be in my office。 事后,伊丽莎意识到了错误,打算主动去和亨利道歉。就在伊丽莎四处寻找知己,亨利却因为开错车门,跟一个陌生女孩聊了起来。 oh, that was not my intention, i sincerely thought this was mine you know what uh maybe it is are you saying that in a suggestive manner because i've been told i'm really bad at reading cues from women who are sexually attracted to me。 很 明显,亨利依旧是搭讪话题终结者。不过好在眼前这个女孩能和亨利聊到同一个频道去。伊丽莎眼看两人有戏,内心又开心,可又有些犹豫,但还是觉得应该让亨利抓住这次机会。 henry, take the cookie, i yeah i was about to um on second thought watching henry speed away in that car, you're welcome was bitter sweet, i had to admit。 对 于伊丽莎来说是悲喜交加,可对于小莫妮卡来说,哪来的什么乐啊?亨利走了,谁来付酒吧的账单呀?