塞斯麦克法兰奥斯卡唱歌歌词

i honestly cannot believe i'm here there's a billion people watching that's insane， i'm hosting the oscars it's an honor that everyone else said no it really is from whoopee all the way down to ron jeremy eventually found his way to me now tonight for the first time the oscars have a theme we will be celebrating music in film and we have a lot of great surprises coming up， but first and foremost a lot of great films is here a lot of great films argo who saw argo great movie argo tells the previously classified story about an american hostage rescue in post revolutionary iran， now the story was so top secret that the film's director is unknown to the academy they know they screwed up badness not your fault you know two thousand twelve was a great year for movies hollywood shattered box office records with ten point eight billion dollars in domestic sales in fact studio accountants have never had to work harder to prove nothing made a profit now there's gonna be a big night for some of you people because as we all know winning an oscar guarantees a long successful career in the industry you're ahead of me on this look at last year sean lujadan one best actor for the artist and now he's everywhere i'm kidding of course his is actually a tragic age old hollywood story he couldn't make it in the talkies and it's a big night for foreign films amour is nominated or as i call it this is ninety and some hollywood royalty some hollywood royalty here tonight roman copola nominated for best screenplay for moon rise kingdom he is the sixth member of the copela family to receive a nomination now that's got to be a fun house to grow up in right mom i got an a in spanish， oh really literally everyone you're related to has an oscar， daniel day lewis is here of course daniel， your process fascinates me now you were totally one hundred percent in character as lincoln， twenty four seven during the movie that's what i read like you stayed in character all day every day so like if you saw a cell phone would you have to be like oh my god what's that hahaha like if you bumped into don cheadle on the studio， a lot did you like try and free him like how deep does your method go jango unchained now that was an intense though this is the story of a man fighting to get back his woman who's been subjected to unthinkable violence or as chris brown and rihanna call it a date movie hahaha， oh， oh， no， no that's what we were afraid he would do hahaha that's as bad as it gets， but it makes you feel better it's really not as bad as it gets a lot of controversy， a lot of controversy over the multiple uses of the n word in the film i'm told apparently the screenplay is loosely based on mel gibson's voicemails is that right oh see you're on his side okay， i'm told it's actually okay for quentin tarantino to use that word because he thinks he's black， jennifer lawrence has a great attitude about this whole thing this is a charming talented woman i was talking to her backstage she told me whether she wins or loses it's just an honor that meryl streep wasn't nominated as i said tonight ceremony is being watched by close to a billion people worldwide which is why jodie foster will be up here in a bit to ask for her privacy also the hell is going on enterprise to dolby theater come in come in dolby theater exactly will you respond captain kirk what are you doing here well i'm here to stop you from doing what you're about to do the show is a disaster what what are you talking about it's going fine？ no it's not hahaha listen to me i've come back in time from the twenty third century to stop you from destroying the academy awards this is a newspaper headline from tomorrow morning seth mcfarlane worst oscar hosteff is that bad your jokes are tasteless and inappropriate and everyone ends up aiding you why couldn't they just get tina and amy to host a show？ why can't tina and amy host everything okay i know i'm i'm sorry they'll be hosting next year but look just just tell me tell me what it is that i do wrong well to begin with you seeing an incredibly offensive song that upsets a lot of actresses in the audience what's the song i'll show you i brought a recording of the oscar telecast back in time with me you'll be able to see exactly how you ruin the ceremony look at this caesar is home just just so you know i'm not actually a member of that chorus i was just joining in at the end there oh trust me in july twenty fifteen you join the chorus hahaha okay what do i do how do i fix this well look look look these people don't want you to mock the movies if you're gonna do a song sing one that celebrates the movies you know a classic oscar winning tune you said it yourself that's what tonight's supposed to be about all right i think i got it ladies and gentlemen， channing tatum and charlie's ferret when the world is hold just the way you learn tonight all right there did that fix everything well， let's find out seth mcfarland pretty bad oscar still why what else happens you do a reenactment of the movie flight entirely with sock publics take a look flight two to seven you are cleared for takeon all systems go captain okay hang on a second glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug let's do it captain you don't look so good are you okay i am now i'm gonna have to roll it ugh i'm in so much pain hey， it's me your drug dealer you want some drugs yay yay yay yay yay i mean that's that's not bad bad right are you crazy you're a white guy in twenty thirteen you can't wear black hand come on denzel doesn't care he's got a great sense of humor he did all those nutty professor movies he's hilarious the point is keep it classy you've sung a song how about a little soft shoe okay all right how about this ladies and gentlemen please welcome daniel radcliffe and joseph gordon levitt just what makes that little old ant think he'll move glad brother tree flat anyone knows ant ant gentle the rubber tree plants but he's got my hopes he's got i hopes he's got i am anytime you're feeling lord instead of letting go just remember that there's another rubber tree whoops that goes all right that did it that had to have done it what does a headline say now did help but still not enough seth mcfarlane proves to be mediocre host that's actually the best review i've ever gotten so i'm gonna go ahead and take that if that's okay are you sure you want to be the first oscar host ever to get a bad review all right fine fine so what else do i do this screws up the show well， you're incredibly disrespectful to one of the evening's most prestigious momenties look at what happens in the green room hey， how's it going oh good god in heaven in this school flying none， so who is a fan of the flying nun in this room？ this guy really me well great that's great thanks a lot hey， i saw lincoln oh， thanks oh， i wasn't complimenting you i was just saying i saw the movie oh you know when i was a kid i used to watch the fly on none on tv and i got to tell you i'm not ashamed to say you were so hot wow， that's very nice of you to say that and gidget you as gidget oh my god so hot don't you have to get back on on stage or something no， no adeles out there screaming or song at everybody i'm i'm good but there's something about the nun man there's something about the nun i don't know whether it's cause it's like forbidden fruit or what not so ridiculously hot this is actually making me very uncomfortable you have a funny what are you doing in about six and a half hours after the show's over i'm gonna go to a party or something is over great i'm in count me in man fire up the transam let's do it i can't go anywhere i'm nominated you know they're gonna give it to anne hathaway， let's let's go yeah but out of respect i think i have it look i got a bottle of wine and some boniva we'll have a great time really if they give it to helen you're not gonna give it to helen amy， i don't know who that is jackie no， oh hell they're gonna give it to helen yeah， please found it down look it up and dragon are we going to do what they say can't be done i i went home with sally field that's awesome no， no， it's not sally was supposed to win and she wasn't there to get the award what happened amy， adams round up and grabbed it she did yeah they try to take it from her and she bit a guy oh my god look you're almost there you gotta give them a big show stopper make your audience feel welcome and then start the show okay， all right i think i got it orchestra please be our guest be our guest as we honor all the best with a telecast design to put your patience to the test there's what he in his threads we hope is on his meds daniel day， we love the beard but lincoln's voice was kind of weird sudden wild had some luck it was made for fifty bucks but a star whose name looks like a vision day。